I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
