duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
