did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
