Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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