I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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