So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
