Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
