So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
