If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
