I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
