she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
