I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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