shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
