Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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