I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
