Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
