I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
