"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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