When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
