if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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