she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
