She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
