my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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