You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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