omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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