We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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