Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no more duck duck goose at the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
