she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
