good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
