I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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