you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
