Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
