He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
