My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
