Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
