He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
