I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
