Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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