just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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