It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
