I accidentally had phone sex last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
