Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
