Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
