I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize