it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
