I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
