I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
