When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
