Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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