after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
