You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you made out with another girl for some wings
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
