In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
