I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
