I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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