grandma shit on top of the toilet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
