he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
