you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
