this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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