Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
