Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize