I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
