mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
