The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize