The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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